i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize