Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
