Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She's the barista slut.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
