I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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