it was like eating out sand paper
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
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Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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