the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
