i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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