the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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