If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
