Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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