there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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