If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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