I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
