She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
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I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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