i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
