Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
