i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
