We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
