I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
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