I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
