This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
