I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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