Midget sex pt 2 tonight
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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