So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
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He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
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I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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