we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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