yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
