He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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