oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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