I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
No subtext here. People are naked.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
