Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
