You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.