You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'll put lettuce on them
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does