Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.