My friends, they love my intelligence
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
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video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i would one night stand the shit outta him
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Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.