plz talk dirty to me
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?