I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
