I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.