We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries