just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
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My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
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On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.