grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
