So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
