____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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