You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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