i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
