I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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