I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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