:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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