so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
