I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
