I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
i've created a new STD.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
