He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
