she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
