tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
