Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
i now understand why vodka
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
