shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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