Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
