His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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