Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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