Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
