someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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