Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
