You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
