Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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