i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
