I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.