We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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