if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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