I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
