Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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