you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
and you fell through a lawn chair
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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