If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
