you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
