You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
