I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
