I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
