Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Randomize
