Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
