Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
two words: eviction party
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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