my being single is dangerous.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
