Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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