i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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