I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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