i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
