and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
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