sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
