I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Someone came in the potted fern
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
