He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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