...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
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I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
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I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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