the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
