And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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