I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize
