Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
