why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
