I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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