They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
