in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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