She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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